Trout Republic: Three facelifts and a butt lift later…


You cannot turn on the television these days or open a magazine without being inundated with pictures of stars who have opted to undergo the knife trying to preserve a prune.
Now you may think that’s a tad blunt but let me tell you, if a person hangs around this old earth long enough wind, weather, stress and especially kids will have an adverse effect on your body. And since we still are required to cover up most parts of our bodies by law -- thank God! -- the part we notice aging most of all is the face we turn to the world.
Ol’ Dutch may be the picture of eternal youth, or not, but I have still noticed that things on my face are headed South along with the accompanying age spots that are popping up like fleas on a junk yard dog’s back.
Well maybe not that bad but it seems that since I have passed the big 60, things are looking different in the mirror. Not different enough mind you that I cannot command a handsome woman like Trixie but still not the fountain of youth that I once was either.
Of course women always have loved me for my money and as soon as Trixie finds my pot of gold, we are going to be living high on the hog, let me tell you.
The older I get the more I start to notice certain things about the aging process and the one thing for certain if you hang around long enough is that someone you know will pass onto that great fishing stream in the sky.
I take great comfort in the Bible verses that talk about the River of Life in Heaven and I am doing what I can to make sure I have a drift boat reserved when my day comes.
Until then I have to live with watching my friends and relatives proceed me to that city in the clouds. Like most people about my age, I take an unusual amount of interest in the obituaries in my local newspaper. Often I have a hard time fitting the name with the face as they use a picture from high school or a favorite photograph from 25 years earlier.
And, forget about going to reunions or seeing old friends on the street. With the advent of plastic surgery, Ol’ Dutch gets really confused when he sees a close friend with eyebrows on top of their head or ears tucked away out of sight.
I have always believed in keeping an automobile in top condition when using them on the road and nothing like a new front end to spiff up an old ride. I guess the same can be said for people, too.
With a face however, whatever is done to it is right there for all the world to goggle at. One of my favorite singers is Kenny Rogers. But of late, I only recognize the voice as his eyes are almost squeezed closed and his mouth doesn’t even move anymore.
One of Trixie’s friends, Liz, was at the fancy Hollywood party a few years back. And, in walked a woman who had clearly had a lot of work done. The woman walked up to Liz and said, “Liz, dear, don’t you recognize me?” Liz looked for a second and said, “Well, you sound like Faye Dunaway, but you don’t have her face.” Ms Dunaway marched off in a huff.
The lesson here is that if you do decide to get your eyebrows raised and that wattle neck nipped and tucked, stop before you begin to look like Charlie Chan.
And if you pass into the great beyond before Ol’ Dutch, post a picture that I can recognize so I can pay my condolences and make it to the potluck.

Kevin Kirkpatrick and his Yorkie, Cooper, fish, hunt, ATV or hike daily. His email is [email protected] Additional news can be found at www.troutrepublic.com or on Twitter at TroutRepublic.

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