Ol’ Dutch was up at on the south fork of the Rio Grande last week and while driving home noticed a new–to-him sign; “In case of flash flood climb to safety.”
Now while I find that good advice when faced with a wall of water rushing down the creek, it seems that in years past people kinda knew that without a sign being posted.
I was reminded of a song called Signs that was first recorded in 1971 by the Five Man Electrical Band. They were a group out of Canada and looked enough like the Beatles to be their doppelgangers. You can look it up on YouTube, if you don’t know it.
The lyrics stick with me:
“And the sign said “Long-haired freaky people need not apply, so I tucked my hair up under my hat and I went in to ask him why. He said “You look like a fine upstanding young man, I think you’ll do.” So I took off my hat, I said “Imagine that. Huh! Me workin’ for you!”
 
Sign, sign, everywhere a sign, Blockin’ out the scenery, breakin’ my mind Do this, don’t do that, can’t you read the sign?”
It’s about the number of signs and how they just muck up the scenery and life in general. It was written almost 50 years ago, but still true as there are stupid signs everywhere. Or, maybe there are just more stupid people who need to know how to live. One sign at a swimming pool says, “DO NOT BREATHE UNDER WATER.” Seems to me that would be more along the lines of common sense, but maybe not these days.
Then there is the sign that says “Do not sit on the crocodile” at an animal farm and another one that says “touching electrical wires will result in instant death.” Now that’s okay but the next line says $200 fine. Really?
And, this list goes on: “This zipper may harm your private parts,” “Some sushi products may contain raw fish,” “Do not cross street while cars are passing,” “If door does not open please do not enter,” “Please don’t open or try on the condoms on the shelves,” and of course at the gas pump there’s the pictograph showing not to DRINK gasoline.
Bill Engvall, the comedian, has taken it one more step and decided that people need signs saying “I am stupid” attached to their necks as they ask the dumbest questions.
Often when I am walking out of the lake or stream with a stringer of fish, some guy will invariably ask me “Did you catch those fish?”
So far, Ol’ Dutch has been tolerant of these strangers and their questions, but from now on I am gonna tell them I just talked the fish out of the water and onto my stringer. And, here’s your sign.
Maybe we do need more signs as it seems the population is just fading into sheer stupidity.
Did the road sign that says “Entrance Only” have to add below “Do not enter?” Why do we need to be told that the “Road is unsafe when under water?” Or, “Road wet when raining?”
There are also signs with just stick figures or abbreviations on them leaving the viewer to sometimes make up their own meanings and pronunciation. My sister once blurted out “Ped Zing” when faced with a sign that said Ped Xing. We still get a laugh out of that one at the family reunions.
Ol’ Dutch sees it all in his travels and I guess there are just enough people out there that don’t know that “the coffee is hot” or “keep hands and feet from under lawn mower” and have to be told via signs and labels.
Signs can frustrate too as I sat all last fall beside a Deer Crossing sign trying to score on a big Buck, which never showed. I had to begin to wonder how they can train those deer to cross at that location but the wonders of modern science just cannot be explained sometimes.

Kevin Kirkpatrick and his Yorkie, Cooper, fish, hunt, ATV or hike daily. His email is [email protected]. Additional news can be found at www.troutrepublic.com or on Twitter at TroutRepublic.