Trout Republic-Ol’ Dutch’s guide to dating

You know that Ol’ Dutch is an old-fashioned romantic, right?
Miss Trixie can’t keep track of all the days that I’ve wined and dined her, brought her gorgeous flowers and given her large, expensive jewelry. As far as partners go, I’m sure she must think that I am perfect.
(I read that out loud to her and all I got in return was a roll of the eyes. She muttered under her breath that she couldn’t keep track of all those presents because they only exist in my imagination. But, folks always say that it’s the thought that counts, so why is she so upset?)
For proof, let me tell you about Saturday night.
Miss Trixie had been complaining of cabin fever and wanted to get out and do “something.” Well, “something” for me is heading over to Wal-Mart for the purchase of much needed supplies like peanut butter, grape jam and toilet paper.
(That got another roll of the eyes, but it’s the truth, folks.)
After making the requisite purchases at the store, I offered to get her a nice meal so we went to the local Chinese takeout. Well, I drove her over to the restaurant, which is the same as “taking her out,” right?
I didn’t want to get out of the truck, so she got us a nice picnic meal that we could take out by the water for a romantic picnic. Or, at least, that’s how I remember it.
She apparently remembers it as us picking up sub-par food and going out to watch some sweaty guys fishing at the local boat ramp.
But, I’ve got to tell you, those sweaty guys really put on a show.
Now, if you have never been to a boat ramp and sat there on a busy day you have missed out on the funniest thing since America’s Funniest Home Videos.
It is here that boats sink, trucks end up in the water, fishermen go swimming and divorces are sprouted almost on a daily basis.
Now, folks, imagine this scene. We’re sitting on a tidal waterway that ebbs and flows with the pull of the moon.
The sun is just hovering on the horizon starting to dip into the evening. And, the sweet smell of cheap Chinese food, mixed with the stench of fish, waft around the truck.
As the first boat filled with fisherman came puttering into the boat ramp, one of the boat passengers stood up in the boat and proceeded to execute a perfect belly flop into the pier and right off into the water.
He tried to save his dignity by coming out with the boat rope in hand and then stepping up on the dock to help the other passengers out.
But, the fun didn’t stop there for the poor fellow. The waves were starting to toss the boat around so he needed to step back along the dock and help straighten it up. One step back, two steps back and then, like a bad movie in slow motion, the guy missed his footing and found the drink again.
Luckily, he was with his buddies when this occurred because if his wife had been along he would never have heard the end of it. Wives backing trailers in the lake or directing such activities has resulted in more fights, divorces and possible homicides than any other such activity I can name. It is to be avoided at all costs.
As I drove Miss Trixie home, I commented on what a perfect date I provided with food, fun and fish smells. I still don’t understand why that remark got a big eye roll, too.
And that concludes Ol Dutch’s Guide to Romantic Evenings. I hope it works better for you than it did for me.

Kevin Kirkpatrick and his Yorkie, Cooper, fish, hunt, ATV or hike daily. His email is [email protected]. Additional news can be found at www.troutrepublic.com or on Twitter at TroutRepublic.