Trout Republic: Grease my palms

The title of this column is an old saying about bribing folks to do your bidding. Or, what we call today, “lobbying.”

It seems long gone are the days of President Harry Truman when he said, “An honest public servant can't become rich in politics. He can only attain greatness and satisfaction by service.”

It's a sad state of affairs that too many nationally elected officials use their elected position to line their own coffers at our expense and something needs to be done about it. But unless someone comes up with a plan I fear it will just go on forever.

Having lived in CLOSE proximity to Miss Trixie now for some five long years, I have had the opportunity to bump into her about 43,000 times a day. Even passing in the hall in our RV lifestyle requires finesse and every activity is seen by both parties, both good and bad.

Watching television, reading, playing the guitar and taking a shower is a group event, almost. So if you are of the shy nature it’s best to remain in your house where you are safe from public scrutiny and not launch yourself into the mobile lifestyle.

Some have referred it to living in a sardine can but those are actually bigger and would be a welcome respite from these actual living conditions. When it became clear that Ol’ Dutch and Miss Trixie would be cohabbing, he did the smart thing and purchased about the biggest RV on the market at the time.

So off I went and came home with the current 37 foot model. It's nice no doubt and a person can get by but you best pick someone as loving and easygoing as Ol’ Dutch if you are going to survive the experience.

But, back to our trials and tribulations. Lately Miss Trixie has embarked on a mission to use this super purple degreaser on everything from dishes to appliances to food, I think. She found this along her travels and swears by it. All I know is that even Cooper runs when she gets the bottle out fearing a treatment of the colorful solution.

Mostly it gets used after Miss Trixie cooks and Ol’ Dutch is eating his food in the recliner. About three bites into the meal and a biting odor comes wafting across the room and settles on the food he is eating.

Now I don't generally mind a good dose of Clorox as it tends to keep a body naturally clean but this stuff is like acid to the soul. A purple haze of hazardous wastes settles across my deer steak and gets ingested with the food.

Ever since I was exposed to anhydrous ammonia at work Ol’ Dutch has been a tad touchy about chemical smells but has tried to be loving and not say anything to Miss Trixie since she does fix my food without complaint. And everyone knows you don't bite the hand that feeds you.

But of late I have noticed that I cannot get too far from the camper after eating as the degreaser is doing a number on my gut and cleans me out like Bob from Roto Rooter down the street. It's not all bad as people these days seem to be fixated on their inner workings more and more but being unable to leave the facilities is cutting into my fishing time and that cannot happen.

Miss Trixie has refrained ever since from spraying at least during dinner but Ol’ Dutch got to thinking that maybe I will send her to Washington and let her degrease those palms up there and save us all a lot of trouble.


Kevin Kirkpatrick and his Yorkie, Cooper, fish, hunt, ATV or hike daily. His email is [email protected]. Additional news can be found at or on Twitter at TroutRepublic.

More In Opinion