No matter your life experiences there comes a time when you are confronted with things that can be classified as “Before” and “After.”
It may be something mundane as before high school and after high school; it can also be “before and after” houses, spouses, surgery or whatever.
There are some things that are way better “after” such as my being married to an underserving and unappreciative spouse, but that’s another column.
One of my favorite “before and after” things is makeovers on women. This is where some Hollywood type war paint applicator takes a relatively mundane and plain woman and transforms her into a vixen of unbelievable beauty right before one’s eyes.
Of course companies who sell such paint and varnish use a lot of this type of advertising so that women everywhere have hope of being the next Angelina Jolie when they go to the next church social or rodeo.
What they fail to tell you is just like a good 4-H steer show prospect is you have to have something to start with to get the same results.
The other day Ol’ Dutch found a Web page entitled “movies stars without their makeup” and let me tell you some of them suffer from a bout of terminal plainness. So there is hope for anyone if and only if they can find the right combination of hues and applicators.
Of late Ol’ Dutch has been able to classify most things as “before and after” Trixie. Not that she has gone somewhere other than crazy, but as in “after” she arrived on the scene.
“Before” Trixie I pretty much had the bachelor life in tow and cruising along on autopilot. I could do things like use Cooper’s Dog shampoo because after all the ingredients did say full body, tear-free and prevents fleas.
I already had a full body and had cried all the tears out but as you all know Ol’ Dutch was on Match.com during those wild and crazy days and I figured out that no fleas might just give me a leg up on the competition in the dating world.
After all, what woman could resist a man such as Ol’ Dutch who took regular showers, provided meat for the larder, sang in the choir, shaved sometimes, did his own laundry, had his own money and didn’t live with his mother?
But now in my “after” Trixie life, she always makes sure to purchase the Blue Aspen Aroma hair and body wash and that pretty well tells me she wants me to stay clear of flea shampoo. I have noticed however that smelling like a fresh aspen grove does have its drawbacks as all the neighborhood dogs want to pee on my leg. I think that may be a planned event on Miss Trixie’s part to keep all the women away from her man?
“Before and after” spouses usually has a happy ending if and only if a person survives dating the ding bats, weirdos, young gold diggers or boy toys, broke babes and well-meaning relatives trying to set you up with their cousin that usually follow the divorce.
I think the best part about “before and after” anything is that usually the “after” effects are better than the “before” simply because a person has had time to learn some lessons. Simple things like “the grass is not always greener,” “all that glitters is not gold,” and “look before you leap” start to take root and smart decisions begin to be made.
Ol’ Dutch took those to heart when he stopped dating all those young, beautiful and sexy women and got himself Trixie who is -- wait a minute -- young, beautiful and sexy. And, that’s the best kind of “before” and “after” when you get what you both want and need.

Kevin Kirkpatrick and his Yorkie, Cooper, fish, hunt, ATV or hike daily. His email is [email protected]. Additional news can be found at www.troutrepublic.com or on Twitter at TroutRepublic.