Anyone who has ever done their own laundry knows that if you leave it long enough it begins to smell. Accumulated food and body odors have a way about that and it’s like a built in alarm that it’s time to pass the clothes through some suds of some form.
Way back when Ol’ Dutch was a confirmed bachelor and international playboy, I lived in a big house with a huge laundry right off the garage. This was perfect for a man especially as I could come home and put my clothes right in the washer as I came in the door.
It was wonderful because I knew when it was laundry day when no more clothes would fit in the machine. The reason this was possible was that with other than rare visits by “the harem,” Ol’ Dutch didn’t have to worry about sorting out silks, pinks, gentle wash or unmentionables. It was camo jeans and camo shirts and socks.
The latter of which I had learned to buy one color and style of the same socks thereby eliminating sorting of any kind. Out of the washer and dryer my clothes were folded and placed on a long table in the laundry room ready for the next time I needed any. No carrying to the upstairs bedroom for me.
Ol’ Dutch is a model of efficiency if nothing else. Of course when guest came I had to modify that a tad as they did not appreciate an old naked man traipsing through the living room to find some clothes in the morning.
But back to smelly clothes. Most people employ some kind of laundry basket which is a way to tell what is clean and what is dirty. When it gets full and the floor won’t hold any more, they usually get around to washing them but if they don’t, a smell starts to emanate in about three days.
The same can be said for household guests. When you live in a destination State like Colorado, you get more than your share of vacationers who move in like mold on the two week old cottage cheese.
Their expectations are fun and lots of it. They want to go out to eat, raft, ATV, hike, shop and occupy your recliner eating your cheetos interrupting your naps, your fishing and your peace and quiet.
Now don’t get me wrong I love most folk but guests like laundry start to smell after about three days. At that point they have spilled enough stuff, broken the remote, eaten all the good food and talked enough to last a person for the near future.
Last week we had some of Trixie’s relations show up and even though they had the good sense to stay in a cabin, their visits were long and smelly. Miss Trixie used to volunteer our couch in the RV to visiting family but stern warnings of nuclear proportions from Ol’ Dutch has saved me from co-existing with vacationers so far.
There is nothing worse than having to actually dress before exiting the bedroom in the morning and expecting me to be sociable and nice before I have my coffee is just asking too much of this old man.
Which gives me an idea. Maybe I can just go about my day as normal with them, not talking before 10, being grouchier than normal and walking around in my undies.
They might find out that the laundry smells a tad sooner than the normal three days and skidaddle for home and have a story to tell about crazy Ol’ Uncle Dutch to boot.

Kevin Kirkpatrick and his Yorkie, Cooper, fish, hunt, ATV or hike daily. His email is [email protected]. Additional news can be found at www.troutrepublic.com or on Twitter at TroutRepublic.