I would imagine that everyone has heard that rhetorical question stated at one time or another when someone is asked something so blatantly obvious that a simple yes just will not do. Such as someone asking a doctor if he sees any sick people. To which he might answer “does a bear poop in the woods?” Which means of course he does. He’s a doctor for Pete's sake. What other kind of people would he see?
That phrase has been used over and over so many times by people both famous and not so famous that it's impossible to really pin down the origins. So, let's just suffice to say it's been around in one form or another for a long time and may have even been Eve’s answer to Adam when asked if she ate the darned apple.
Which kind of brings me around to the subject of today's column which is Ol’ Dutch Goes Camping. And even though it's obvious that I am going to have to use the restroom in the woods, that is not really the storyline here.
But it is convoluted and long so as usual I will give it my best shot.
Way back in the early days of romantic passion and pursuit of Miss Trixie when Ol’ Dutch took her to the circus and then bear hunting on our first two dates, something else occurred that made me realize that true love was abloom.
We had gone on an ATV ride of considerable length and having found a suitable spot to have a picnic Miss Trixie proceeded to walk off in the forest and pee. Now for some of you that may not be too remarkable of a thing to witness but Ol’ Dutch had been married previously to a woman that had to come to town to take care of business no matter how far up in the forest we were.
This put a real downer on being able to stay up in the mountains for any length of time as we spent most of the day driving to and from a toilet.
Seeing Miss Trixie pee was like the straw that broke the camel's back for me, and I fell in love on the spot. That last statement did not come out quite right but what I meant to say is “knowing” she could go in the woods and not actually “seeing” her go in the woods endeared her to my heart.
Of course, Trixie had managed an expedition to Mt. Everest and other such destinations and so she had the “going where life finds you” down pat.
Fast forward to this September and Ol’ Dutch is going to go camping for the first time since I was a kid. Yes, you got it. This mountain man just has not camped out and mainly due to the close association with an ex-wife who camped out only in a Holiday Inn.
So, it appears that I am going to get my taste of remote living and Miss Trixie has spent considerable time preparing me for just such an adventure. Bags are packed, food purchased and accounted for, gear checked, and double checked and medical equipment packaged in case of an emergency.
As luck would have it this is a men’s only campout, but Miss Trixie has her eye on all her gear in case we are delayed at which point she will come and camp with us.
Of course, this would happen after the other guys vacate camp as they dont want a woman around as that is exactly what they are escaping from in the first place by going hunting.
If they only knew how handy she is at cooking, camping and packing out meat they would have her there the first day and she would truly shine.
So off into the wilds I go hoping to bag the elusive elk, eat canned beans and Ramen Noodles and we are gonna find out whether Ol’ Dutch joins the bear in the performance of his duties in the woods too.